We sit together in the meeting room. The documents are on the table and waiting for the arrival of the last station. The mood among colleagues is gay, after all we have known for many years. It is still the same round in which I outed myself five years ago have. We joke about it, whether anyone is tired before the meeting and I tell my secret recipe for pretentious to go to bed that is just in time. :-)
And then happens it. A colleague jokingly ulkt in the round: "Well, it's no wonder that it is in sleep always prepared when he goes to sleep so early." Hits Transe sunk. He does not realize that he was mistaken in my personal pronoun and thus unconsciously dealt a low blow has.
Suddenly I feel ashamed and me in my Hüschen dress in which I was still so great this morning, all at once like a transvestite. Other colleagues to improve by a loud: "YOU!" And I put on a lame reply: "It is YOU. Well, just next to it. "But I realize that he did not listen properly.
Dozens of times I have seen this in recent years and gradually I should be accustomed to it, but I can not do. My first reaction is anger, but about what? About the truth? For a brief moment, I can throw an invaluable look behind the friendly faces behind tolerance, civility, and behind all political correctness. The colleague did not want to offend me, this I know him too well. He has only in the exuberance of good spirits accidentally pronounced than what he perceives me, that as a man
For me this is a valuable reminder that I finished my development is far am. Something is obviously still disturbs the impression of femininity. What could this be? The beard shadow? No. The last beard was weggelasert years ago, there's nothing more. Hair, hair, a wig? No. I have own full, long, black hair, and could make any hair with it. To male appearance, perhaps? I do not think so. The female hormones have changed my appearance and if the breasts do not soon stop growing, then the new B-Cups at some point too small. Bad styling? I hope not. I style myself and make up for five years consistently every morning and never appear unkempt to the service and I never wear men's stuff.
But it could be due to my voice . I train for years to get my voice to sound softer and less masculine, but when I speak, I still hear clearly a man and a woman.
However, there is a surgical technique in which a surgeon recruited by the vocal cords, just as a piano tuner would do that. Until now I was not interested because I am satisfied with my voice and because the outcome is hard to predict. It can be anywhere in the full range between Vanessa Paradis and Inge Meysel. Nevertheless, I have
fear. It would be a cruel irony when I look in a complex operation, the voice let it ruin and has keen not letztich.
And if there is something else entirely? If it is not on externals? Regarding my standings in the National Police, I have no illusions. I know I'm behind my back already been designated as a "disgrace to the police." So what? Each time puts a hit. The cure is out for the weekend and will be available on Monday morning in good spirits and knees sprung back to the service. I am strong enough and not let it get me. The police are not meant to eventually and I'm not Wendy. I would never, for whatever psychological, whiny reasons ill . Report
As long as it does not spit, bleed, or festers , I heeled every morning for duty. Well rested, perfectly styled and is the best SvenjaLaune. Transsexual out or not: I'm still police officer and I love this job and I will do it every damn day as good as I can only.
Caution: Under no circumstances will I give the impression that I in any way bullied will, because I do not feel that. Still, I'm annoyed, of course, when I know that behind my back derogatory remarks are made against which I can not to defend, or if I even After five years ago called "ER" will And finally, here is my All Time Favourite. "No matter how blabber all about you, but you have the fewest days of illness."
opinions, ideas, suggestions?
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